Dilbert's Law of Work
* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from the kick in the butt!
* Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you cant be promoted.
* When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
* Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous"
* Never delay the ending of a meeting or the begining of a cocktail party!
* Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
* If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out it!
* At work, the authority of a person is inversly proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
More Office Jokes
The brain is an wonderfull organ, it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.
This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful." replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.
I'd say you must be either a consultant, or possibly someone in senior management."
Notice: Our company requires no further physical fitness programs.
Everyone gets enough exercise:
jumping to conclusions,
beating around the bush,
running down the boss,
going around in circles,
dragging their feet,
Passing the buck,
climbing the ladder,
wading through paperwork,
throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth,
bending the rules,
and pushing their luck!