A Raise

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me."

"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

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Life After Death

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the employee replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

Last Job

The boss and an applicant are talking:

Boss:(asking the applicant) Why did you leave your last job?
Applicant: Illness

Boss: What was the trouble?
Applicant: My boss was sick of me.

Dilbert's Law of Work

* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from the kick in the butt!

* Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you cant be promoted.

* When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

* Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous"

* Never delay the ending of a meeting or the begining of a cocktail party!

* Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

* If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out it!

* At work, the authority of a person is inversly proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

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