Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
More Office Jokes
The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.
The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.
The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes.
At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty. The farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions."
A New VIRUS....be aware......Get Rid of the New Virus ...!!
There is a new virus - code name "Work". If you receive "work" from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, phone or anywhere else, do not touch "work" under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come into contact with this virus, follow these steps:
#1. Put on your jacket
#2. Round up two good friends
#3. Go straight to the nearest pub
#4. Order three drinks, 14 times.
You will find that "work" has now been completely deleted from your brain. Forward this virus warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends this means that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life.
An employee was chatting on the web seriously with a lady called "Amy".
Manager walks into his cube and asks.
Manager : Can you write me a program for sorting the float values.
Employee (Steve) : I am kind of busy with another job. I will be able to give you the complete program by tomorrow.
.......Back to chat......
Steve : Sorry for late reply!!! My stupid boss was here.
Amy : Bosses are really pain right?
Steve : Yep!! They are pain in ...
Amy : Can you do me a favor darling.
Steve : I am for you honey.
Amy : Can you write me a program to sort float.
Steve : Oh honey!! It's on my finger tips....Here you go.
Amy : Dude!!! that is what I asked you at your cubicle.