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A company is like a tree

A company is like a tree

A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, some climbing down.

The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.




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2 Italians

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation (as they do). The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Two asses, they come together.
I come again.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come once-a-more."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly."In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Ima justa tellun my friend how do to spella Mississippi."

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: You're son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's you're best friend.

Confession time

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until he died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

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