Missionary Position

Missionary Position

A lady goes to see her doctor and says, "Doc, my back really hurts when I have sex."

The doctor says, "Which position do you use?"
The lady says, "We always do it doggie style."

The doctor says, That's your problem. Try using the missionary position."
She says, "I can't do that. My dog has terrible breath."

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A company is like a tree

A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, some climbing down.

The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

2 Italians

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation (as they do). The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Two asses, they come together.
I come again.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come once-a-more."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly."In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Ima justa tellun my friend how do to spella Mississippi."

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: You're son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's you're best friend.

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