Twice a Year
My mother-in-law visits me only twice a year...... Lucky naa ...
But each time she stays for six months.
More Stupid Jokes
For a couple of years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked...
The population of this country is ONE Billion. 470 million are retired. That leaves 530 million to do the work. There are 299 million in school which leaves 231 million to do the work. Of this there are 109 million employed by the Federal Government. This leaves 122 million to do the work.
107 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City goverments and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work, you and me. And YOU are just sitting here playing around on the web.
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been hereonly a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rarrm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"
Two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews. Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble.
Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant you one wish." Tony thought for a second and said "I wish this whole lake was beer." Poof! His wish came true.
The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said "you fool, now we have to piss in the boat."