We have been informed that you hold shares in the following companies:
American Can Co.
Interstate Water Co.
National Gas Co.
Northern Tissue Co.
Due to the uncertain market conditions, at this present time, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas.
You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.
P. Moore & Phil Moore Potts
More Office Jokes
Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.
Moral of the story: might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."