A protestant moved into a completely Catholic comunity. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their comunity. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy stake on Friday night, they began to squirm.
They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said:
You were born Protestant.
You were raised Protestant.
But now you are Catholic.
And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinlking ketchup on the beef saying:
You were born a cow.
You were raised a cow.
But now you are fish.
More Funny Jokes
What a coincidence? Go through this.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to congress in 1846
John F. Kennedy was elected to congress in 1946
Abraham Lincoln was elected president in 1860
John F. Kennedy was elected president in 1960
Both wives lost children while living in the white house
Both presidents were shot on a Friday
Both presidents were shot in the head
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln
Both were assassinated by southerners
Both were succeeded by southerners
Both successors were named Johnson
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939
Both assassins were known by their three names
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters
Lincoln was shot at the theater named Kennedy
Kennedy was shot in a car called Lincoln
Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials
AND HERE'S THE KICKER
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe
What Does This Say?
Did you read it as. . .
"Opportunity is no where" or
"Opportunity is now here"?
ATTITUDE, makes all the difference in the world in our perception of situations!
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed...
Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!!"
"I know," the other woman replied. "I heard it snoring...!"