Signs That You Are Too Drunk
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interferring with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
At a meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.....
More Bar Jokes
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.-No further testing is planned.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "you would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "what do you have?"
The guy says, "I have just 75 cents"
A couple of airplane mechanics, drinking buddies, are in the hanger at Newyork, where the runway is fogged in and they have nothing to do.
John says, "Man, have you got anything to drink?"
"Nah," says Bill "but I hear that you can drink jet fuel, that it will give you a real buzz."
So they proceed to drink jet fuel, get smashed, and have a beautiful time as only drinkin' buddies can.
Next morning, John expects his head to explode when he gets up, but is pleasantly surprised that he has no hangover at all.
The phone rings with Bill asking how he feels. "I feel great!" says John. "No hangover!" "Me neither," says Bill.
"That jet fuel is great stuff and no hangover," says John. "We ought to do this more often."
Yeah," says Bill, "But there is one thing. Did you fart yet?"
"Because I'm in Phoenix."