Woman bathing naked

Woman bathing naked

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys was lingering over by a bush. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long, so he walked over to the bush, and to his astonishment saw a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn't understand why his friend ran away so abruptly, so he took off after him. When he finally caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.

The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

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Little Mary

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took his sharp pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good."

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Saviour?" Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her in the ass. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good."

Then, a little while later, the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Once again, Johnny jabbed her with his pencil. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

Questions & Answers

Q: How can a woman tell if she is flat chested?
A: She will look down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with the them.

Q: Why can't you trust a woman?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q: How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: Its Braille for "suck here".

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: What is an Australian kiss?
A: It is the same as a French kiss but only down under.

Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
A: When she has to chew before swallowing it.

Q: Define Bra?[simple words]
A: A modern device used for the upliftment of the downfallen ones.

Q: Define a Bra? [rhyming ]
A: Under shoulder boulder holder.

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: Why girls rub their eyes when they getup in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q: Why is the dick called a rumour in America?
A: It goes from mouth to mouth.

Q. Why do women fart after taking a piss?
A: Since they can't shake it, they have to blow dry!

Why do women wear perfume and make up?
A: Because they're ugly and they stink

Sex - Work or Fun

A general, a colonel and a major were having a heated argument on the subject of sex.

The general maintained that sex was 60% work and 40% fun.
The colonel said that it was 75% work and 25% fun.
The major thought it was 90% work and only 10% fun.

At the height of the argument, a private appeared at the doorsteps. "let's leave it to him", said the major.

The private listened carefully and said with an air of absolute finaliy, "if you'll pardon me, sirs, sex is 100% fun and no work at all".

"how do you figure that"? Cried the astonished officers.

"it is very simple", said the private. "if there was any work in sex at all, you guys would have me doing it for you."

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