A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."
"What is HAGS" the man asks.
"It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor.
"Oh my God" says the man. "What are you going to do?"
"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."
"Is that going to help me" says the man.
"No" says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"
More Medical Jokes
"Doc" says Arthur, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?", asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done", replies Arthur.
"But have you thought it through properly?", asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind - either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Arthur has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there", says Arthur, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well", said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Arthur stared at him in horror. "Damn, THAT'S the word!!!"
This middle-aged woman went to see her doctor.
"Well, what's the trouble?"
"Doctor, it's headache, shooting pains in my legs & high blood pressure."
"How old are you?" asked the doctor.
"I'll be 26 on my next birthday."
"Hmmm...," said the doctor, busy writing, "loss of memory too."
A doctor on his first night of marriage goes closer to his wife, holds her and starts shaking her hard.
The wife puzzled asks him, "What's wrong with you, have you gone crazy or what"
The husband replies "i am a doctor and i always follow the instructions "Shake well before use".