3 Nuns

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of Condoms."

"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.

The third nun said, "Oh shit."

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Woman bathing naked

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys was lingering over by a bush. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long, so he walked over to the bush, and to his astonishment saw a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn't understand why his friend ran away so abruptly, so he took off after him. When he finally caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.

The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

Little Mary

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took his sharp pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good."

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Saviour?" Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her in the ass. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good."

Then, a little while later, the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Once again, Johnny jabbed her with his pencil. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

Questions & Answers

Q: How can a woman tell if she is flat chested?
A: She will look down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with the them.

Q: Why can't you trust a woman?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q: How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: Its Braille for "suck here".

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: What is an Australian kiss?
A: It is the same as a French kiss but only down under.

Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
A: When she has to chew before swallowing it.

Q: Define Bra?[simple words]
A: A modern device used for the upliftment of the downfallen ones.

Q: Define a Bra? [rhyming ]
A: Under shoulder boulder holder.

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: Why girls rub their eyes when they getup in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q: Why is the dick called a rumour in America?
A: It goes from mouth to mouth.

Q. Why do women fart after taking a piss?
A: Since they can't shake it, they have to blow dry!

Why do women wear perfume and make up?
A: Because they're ugly and they stink

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