NEW Alcohol Warnings
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy!
More Bar Jokes
Signs That You Are Too Drunk
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interferring with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
At a meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.....
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.-No further testing is planned.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "you would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "what do you have?"
The guy says, "I have just 75 cents"