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37 Mating Positions

37 Mating Positions

I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions.

Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.

Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.




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M. P.

Interview!!!

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS

OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR

OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR

OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....?

OFFICER : M P!!!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?

OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED

Tough Business

The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doc examined him and backed away, saying....

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."

"Could you give me a pen and paper?" asked the businessman.

"Do you want to write your will?"

"No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."

Rectum!!

Mr. Jones has an operation on his throat, so the only way he can get nourishment is to be force-fed with a machine, through the rectum. After three days of this, Mr. Jones calls for the nurse.

He groans, "Nurse, is there another one of these machines in the hospital?"

She says, "Yes, sir."

He asks, "Could you roll it in here?"

She says, "Of course, sir. But why?"

He grunts, "I want you too have lunch with me tomorrow."

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