Guaranteed Weigh Control
In a ladies club, a group of ladies were discussing the topic of their own out of control obesity.
One of the women said, " I diet so much but I am not loosing an inch of fat."
Another lady said, "I walk a lot and do jogging every morning and even than I am not seeing any weight benefit."
Another member said, "I have joined a swimming course and paid a lot of fee, but of no avail for my fat."
Yet another one goes, " I do cycling every morning and evening and I take hot water with honey, yet I am same as always."
A woman was just joining the discussion group, overheard some comments and let her advise out, "All this is senseless, you are wasting time, money, energy and see no results. The better is to get your mother-in-law stay at your home and see the miracle work."
More Stupid Jokes
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples.
The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
In the poor zoo of India, a lion was so much frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought it's prayers were answered when one of Saudi Arabia Zoo Manager visits the zoo and requests the zoo management to shift the lion to the Sauid Arabia Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a Saudia residence permit also. On it's first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few peanuts. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of peanuts was delivered. The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, "Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle... what's wrong with your management?" what nonsense is this? why are you delivering peanuts to me?
The delivery boy politely said, "Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but ...err... did you know that you have been brought here on a Monkey's visa.
I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions.
Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.
Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.