Seven Years Ago
The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
"Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much."
More Marriage Jokes
After three years of marriage, the wife was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."
The Wife promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, then started to count on his fingers "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - THEN THERE'S YOU - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen.....
Every man should get married some time, after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. * Agatha Christie
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. * Oscar Wilde
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. * Scottish Proverb
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. * Sam Kinison
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. * Anonymous
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. * H. L. Mencken
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. * H. L. Mencken
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." * U2
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let he in!
"Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry My daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall chop the young attorney in half.
Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill the innocent blood, let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment.
"The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she was willing to chop him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.
"Indeed," said wise King Solomon, "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."