How to Impress
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
go to the ends of the earth for her
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
More Stupid Jokes
Q:) What's the biggest difference between men and women?
A:) A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
01. Smart man + smart woman = Romance
02. Smart man + dumb woman = Pregnancy
03. Dumb man + smart woman = Affair
04. Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage
05. Smart boss + smart employee = Profit
06. Smart boss + dumb employee = Production
07. Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion
08. Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime
09. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
--> A woman will pay $1 for 2a $2 item that she doesn't need.
10. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
11. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
12. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
13. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
14. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
15. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.
16. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
17. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
18. A woman has the last wor2d in any argument.
19. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
20. In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
--> Then God created man and rested.
--> Then God created woman.
--> Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
21. Why do men die before their wives?
--> They want to.
22. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."
23. Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
--> Two Mother-in-laws.
24. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of --> Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
--> Dad: That happens in every country, son.
25. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".
--> Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
26. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
27. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
--> Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
28. How do most men define marriage?
--> An expensive way to get laundry did for free.
29. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
30. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
31. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
32. A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
--> And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
W - Worries
I - Invited
F - For
E - Ever.
W - Wonderful
I - Instrument
F - For
E - Enjoyment