Men vs Women

Men vs Women

The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING,
the woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.

The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
the woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
the woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
the woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

The man discovered WOMEN and invented SEX,
the woman discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES.

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For Women Only

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Gay Fighting

Two gays got into a heated argument, with one of them saying, "Well, you can kiss my ass!"

The other one blurted out, "This is no time to talk about romance, Bitch!"

Measuring Up

Dennis the drunk was broke as usual, but needed a drink. He knew the barman to be a sporting fellow, so he offered him a bet.

"I'll bet you the price of a pint of beer that my prick is longer than your cat's tail," he said to the barman. The barman could not resist a certain
winning bet so he lay down his money.

The barman whipped up the cat and measured it and then measured Dennis's somewhat sad-looking member. "You lose by just over 3 inches, Dennis," he said, "so pay up!"

"Just a minute," slurred Dennis. "Where did you measure the cat's tail from?"

"From its arse to its to its tip replied the barman.

"OK," said Dennis. "Well, would you mind giving me the same courtesy!"

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