Disaster

Wife: A great disaster was averted today, when my mother was passing from below the clock it fell.

Had she been late by few seconds, the bloody thing would have fallen on her head.

Husband: "I know this useless clock is always slow".




More Marriage Jokes

Marriage Humor

* My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman

* My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

* A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle

* I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns

* What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner

* I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman

* The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman

* I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

How young do I look!!!!!

Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty, your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."

Three Wishes

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!

The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him.

As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills.

The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish.

The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach.

In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish.

Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

No problem, said the woman as she grinned in estacy. For my last wish...

"I'd like to give birth to twins".

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