The Bribe

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

More Marriage Jokes


Wife: A great disaster was averted today, when my mother was passing from below the clock it fell.

Had she been late by few seconds, the bloody thing would have fallen on her head.

Husband: "I know this useless clock is always slow".

Marriage Humor

* My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman

* My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

* A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle

* I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns

* What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner

* I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman

* The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman

* I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

How young do I look!!!!!

Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty, your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."

Show More Marriage Jokes

Jokes Categories