A man decided to change his life and for a start he took up the easiest - drinking. He got so drunk with whisky and his breath had such a foul stench as if a whole herd of mammoths had spent the night in his mouth.
It felt good to be blind drunk, but the time came for him to go home and his wife was quite quick-tempered. She always knew when he was drunk even if he was three blocks away from their house and did not let him in.
This is why the drunken man decided to use his cunning and break in the house. He rang the bell for a long time and an angry voice hissed from within:
"Who is it?"
The man leaned on the door and said tenderly:
"I bring roses for the most beautiful woman in the world."
Upon hearing that his wife was so moved that decided to open the door. She opened it and took a close look at her husband. Imagine her surprise when she saw neither roses, nor hyacinths in his hands.
"Where are the roses for the most beautiful woman in the world, you bastard?," the woman roared.
The man slouched towards her and murmured: "And where is the most beautiful woman in the world?"
More Marriage Jokes
A husband was screaming at the top of his voice to his wife...
"What the hell do you think of yourself, you idiot, fool, I can do whatever I want, and no body, "that's nobody " can stop me from doing it, you got it loud and clear."
The wife was a meek audience listening to all this .
When her husband finished his shouting session, she said quietly. "That's okay, honey but please, do come out from under the bed."
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," replied his wife, consolingly "I did."
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife.....cold as ever"
Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: "Here lies my husband.....stiff at last"