How may times can a man marry?
Little Johnny was attending his first wedding. After the service, his Uncle Rodney asked him, "So Johnny, now that you've been to your first wedding, can you tell me how many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," Johnny responded.
His Uncle was amazed that he had an answer so quickly and asked, "How do you know that?"
"Easy," Little Johnny said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said,'4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer'."
More Marriage Jokes
There was once a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.
He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife,"Now listen, When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
So he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife.
I wrote him a cheque!!!!"
A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," he responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
A man decided to change his life and for a start he took up the easiest - drinking. He got so drunk with whisky and his breath had such a foul stench as if a whole herd of mammoths had spent the night in his mouth.
It felt good to be blind drunk, but the time came for him to go home and his wife was quite quick-tempered. She always knew when he was drunk even if he was three blocks away from their house and did not let him in.
This is why the drunken man decided to use his cunning and break in the house. He rang the bell for a long time and an angry voice hissed from within:
"Who is it?"
The man leaned on the door and said tenderly:
"I bring roses for the most beautiful woman in the world."
Upon hearing that his wife was so moved that decided to open the door. She opened it and took a close look at her husband. Imagine her surprise when she saw neither roses, nor hyacinths in his hands.
"Where are the roses for the most beautiful woman in the world, you bastard?," the woman roared.
The man slouched towards her and murmured: "And where is the most beautiful woman in the world?"