Husband and wife had quarreled for a while. After cool down period wife came back to husband in the morning and asked, "Honey what are you doing?"

Husband tried to hide the document in hand and mumbled, "Nothing!"

Wife took on again, "Nothing what? I have been seeing you are reading our Marriage certificate for whole night, even with magnifying glass, upside down, backside front, intense lamplight. What's the sickness with your brain?"

Dejected Husband said, "Nothing, I was just looking for the expiry date."

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Weighing Machine

After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.

He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.

"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!"

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Rest In Peace

When the rich man's will was read, his wife was very upset: he left everything to the young woman who lived next door to them and nothing to her!

She drove immediately to the cemetery to cancel her order for his headstone.

The stonecarver said, "You're too late. I already carved it just like you told me: 'Rest In Peace.'" The woman thought a moment and then replied, "Okay, then, I'll pay you a little more to add, 'Till we meet again!'"

Surrender time

A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.

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