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Girls or Boys

Girls or Boys

Why the girls are better than boys?

Little Johnny and Jane are playing in the garden when they start having an argument about whether boys are better than girls.

After a while Johnny stands up and pulls down his shorts saying 'Boys are better than girls 'cos you haven't got one of these!!'. Jane looks at him in astonishment as she knows that she hasn't got one of those between her legs.

She bursts out crying and rushes inside to her mother. A little whilelater she comes back out with a big smile on her face.

'My mum says girls are better than boys', she says. 'No they're not.' says Johnny pulling down his shorts, 'You haven't got one of these!'. Jane looks at him, then raises her skirt, pulls down her panties and says.

'My mum says that as long as I've got one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!!'




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The cheating accountant

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her): I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

Tom and Eggs

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the bed!"

Treatment

A WOMAN comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband: Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache."I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies: "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says: "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says: "Don't move. I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says: "Boy that was wonderful!"

The husband says: "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says: "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror saying:

"She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"

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