Most Eligible

Most Eligible

A woman who'd been married twice and divorced twice was finally fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed.

About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and legs in a wheelchair on her front porch. "I'm here about your ad," he says. "You must be mistaken,"she says. "Let me explain," he says. "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms. And I can't run away, because I don't have any legs." "But," she asks,"How do I know you're good in bed?" "Madam how do you think I rang your bell?" was the quick retort.

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Adam and Eve

And it came to pass that the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss?'" The Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."

The Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like for you to caress Eve." Again, Adam had to ask, "What is a 'caress?'" Again, the Lord gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned...smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." The Lord said, "You've done well Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve." Of course Adam had to ask, "What is 'make love' Lord?'" And again, the Lord gave Adam directions to which Adam went straight away to Eve, behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds asking...

"Lord, what is a 'headache?'"


Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took 2 years and cost over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect. After three years of research and cost an excess of $250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the U.S. or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost of right around $75.00, the Polish study reached a conclusion. The Polish study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.

Girls or Boys

Why the girls are better than boys?

Little Johnny and Jane are playing in the garden when they start having an argument about whether boys are better than girls.

After a while Johnny stands up and pulls down his shorts saying 'Boys are better than girls 'cos you haven't got one of these!!'. Jane looks at him in astonishment as she knows that she hasn't got one of those between her legs.

She bursts out crying and rushes inside to her mother. A little whilelater she comes back out with a big smile on her face.

'My mum says girls are better than boys', she says. 'No they're not.' says Johnny pulling down his shorts, 'You haven't got one of these!'. Jane looks at him, then raises her skirt, pulls down her panties and says.

'My mum says that as long as I've got one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!!'

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