A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf idiot.
More Funny Jokes
Two girls are having coffee when one notices that the other girl seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious."
"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," she explained.
"Oh, that's too bad," the other girl sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him."
"Yeah, I am," she said. "He'll miss me."
The difference in attitude - Getting a Haircut
TWO WOMEN TALKING:
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.......................
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
An English professor wrote the words "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: Without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is everything!