The Classic Gift

The Classic Gift

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, as they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note... romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves.

The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.

Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled, I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love,

P.S. - The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

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In The Flight

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to a Chicagoan on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times, "the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the Chicagoan remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."

Most Eligible

A woman who'd been married twice and divorced twice was finally fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed.

About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and legs in a wheelchair on her front porch. "I'm here about your ad," he says. "You must be mistaken,"she says. "Let me explain," he says. "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms. And I can't run away, because I don't have any legs." "But," she asks,"How do I know you're good in bed?" "Madam how do you think I rang your bell?" was the quick retort.

Adam and Eve

And it came to pass that the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss?'" The Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."

The Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like for you to caress Eve." Again, Adam had to ask, "What is a 'caress?'" Again, the Lord gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned...smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." The Lord said, "You've done well Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve." Of course Adam had to ask, "What is 'make love' Lord?'" And again, the Lord gave Adam directions to which Adam went straight away to Eve, behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds asking...

"Lord, what is a 'headache?'"

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