Osama in Heaven
After his death, Osama bin Laden went to paradise. He was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled angrily, "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!"
Then Patrick Henry punched Osama in the nose and James Madison kicked him in the groin.
Bin Laden was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, Thomas Jefferson and 66 other early Americans. As he writhed in pain on the ground, an angel appeared.
Bin Laden groaned, "This is not what I was promised!"
The angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you! What did you think I said?"
More Political Jokes
A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward. A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening. A guy from the front replied, "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road. He is refusing to move from there!"
"He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines! He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didnt contribute with money to help him pay the fine!"
"So how much has been collected so far?"
Clinton came to Pakistan on a state visit. Mian Nawaz Sharif asked the city authorities to clean up the city. Clinton was shown around the city the way government was spending the US aid. However, he noticed people relieving themselves (pissing or shitting) on the roadside in several places. At the end of the visit Clinton said to Nawaz that he would like more of the money spent towards the civic facilities so that people do not have to relieve themselves in public places. Nawaz Sharif was annoyed. He decided that the next time he will go to USA and will embarrass the US president too.
Next month Nawaz went to USA and spent one week in Washington. Every time he went around with Clinton, he looked hard to find something that would embarrass Clinton. But he could not find any fault.
But on the last day of the visit while Nawaz was being escorted back to airport from the Pakistani embassy, he saw someone pissing in a dark area of the street. He pointed out to Clinton: See, even in USA people do that.
Clinton was very angry. He signaled to FBI agents who shot the roadside pisser immediately.
The next day Nawaz read in the newspapers in Islamabad: Pakistani ambassador shot dead in Washington!
A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.