One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and announced, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside, "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife, but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women at lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again, her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this."
Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her mother and tell her. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married", she complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not real your father."
More Political Jokes
At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush receives a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley Limousine to the edge of central London, where they board an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white matching horses.
They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets. All is going well.
But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire It shakes the coach!
Uncomfortable but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decides that it's ridiculous. She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
George W. Bush, ever the gentleman, replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses..."
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks.... "How many is a Brazillion ??!"
Prince Charles is driving his Land Rover to Sandringham to see his mum. He enters the gate and waves at the guard, just as he pulls onto the driveway he feels a *bump* and a high-pitched howling noise. He quickly stops the car and gets out, to his horror he sees one of his mums Corgis badly crushed under the wheel of the car.
The poor dog is already dead and Prince Charles does not know what to do. His mum will be heart broken and she will be very upset with him.
Just then there was a bright flash and *pooof* a beautiful fairy appeared floating in front of him.
"Who are you?" Asked Prince Charles
"I'm your fairy godmother" she replied in a soft voice "I sensed you were in need and am here to grant you any wish you desire".
"Any wish I desire" repeated Prince Charles What luck!
Well as you can see I just ran over one of mums dogs and she will be most upset. So please, can you bring the doggy back to life?"
The fairy godmother took out her magic wand and walked over to the squashed Corgi and after looking at it for a while she said "It is very errrr, squashed and I'm afraid my fairy magic has its limits you know. Isn't there anything else you desire, another wish I could grant you?"
Prince Charles scratched his head and thought about it for awhile. "Ah ha," he said, "I know what I would like to wish for. Please can you make Camilla as beautiful as Diana was?"
The fairy godmother had a stunned look on her face, she paused for a second, and said, "Well, perhaps I could have another try at the dog."