Saving Bill Clinton
Three kids are walking by a lake. They see Bill Clinton jogging, and he falls into the lake. They go and save him from drowning. Then Clinton says that he will give them anything they want.
He asks the first boy what he wants, and he says "I want to go to the Naval Academy." Clinton says "Then, I will make sure you get in to the Naval Academy."
He asks the 2nd kid, and he says the wants to go to West Point. Clinton says he will get him into West Point.
He asks what the 3rd boy wants. He says "I want to be buried in Arlington Nat'l Cemetary." Clinton says "You are so young, why are you concerned about when you are going to die. The boy says "Beacause my father will kill me when he finds out what I did today!"
More Political Jokes
The President, his wife, Al gore, and another man were seated next to each other on a plane ride. Hillary said if someone threw a 100 dollar bill out the window they would make 1 person happy. Then, Al Gore said but if they threw out 5, 20 dollar bills out the window they would make 5 people happy.
Then, the President said if they threw 100, 1 dollar bills out the window they would make 100 people happy. Then, the man sitting next to them said if they threw Bill Clinton out the window they would make millions of people happy.
One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and announced, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside, "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife, but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women at lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again, her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this."
Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her mother and tell her. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married", she complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not real your father."
At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush receives a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley Limousine to the edge of central London, where they board an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white matching horses.
They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets. All is going well.
But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire It shakes the coach!
Uncomfortable but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decides that it's ridiculous. She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
George W. Bush, ever the gentleman, replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses..."