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The President Must Die

The President Must Die

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow.

He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor.

Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TODAY!"

The entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well, Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"

Clinton says "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."

Clinton says "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president!Damn. ...Well, what's the really bad news?" The officer replies "Sir...it's Hillary's handwriting."




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Wife & Mistress

Two friends were walking down the street when one noticed two women approching "My God!" said one "Here comes my wife and my mistress, together."

The other man looked up and said "Good God, you took the words right out of my mouth."

Choice

Jerry Falwell, a religious man, was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.

After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.

The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."

Talking Parrot

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot.

"Does this parrot talk?" she asked. "Yes, he does," the manager told her "But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?" she asked..

"Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own thiis parrot. He spent many years in a whore house and his language is terrible."

"Well, I want him," she said. "Suit yourself," the manager shrugged When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in eye and said, "New house, new madam." Hillary laughed..

Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. "New house, new whores," the parrot observed. At first they were offended, but when Hillary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed.

After a while the President entered the living quarters. The parrot looked at him and said, "Hi, Bill!"

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