NASA Mission to Mars
To send a person on Mars, NASA selects 3 persons for an interview.
The first one, an American doctor comes and is asked how much money he would take to go to Mars. He answers,"I'll take 1 million dollars and donate them to my university". He is discarded.
The second one, a Russian engineer answers to the same question, "I'll take 2 million dollars. I'll donate one million to my university and the remaining to my family."
The third, an Indian politician answers, "I'll take 3 million. I'll give one to you, I'll take one for myself and the remaining one million, we'll give to that
silly doc and send him!"
More Political Jokes
Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to Heaven and the Pope gets sent to Hell.
The Pope explains the situation to the Hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch.
The next day, the Pope is called in and the Hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for Heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down and they stop to chat.
Pope: "Sorry about the mix up."
Clinton: "No problem."
Pope: "Well, I'm really excited about going to Heaven."
Clinton: "Why's that?"
Pope: "All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
Clinton: "You're a day late"
One day Bill Clinton is riding in his Limousine and he said to the driver, "You know, I used to love driving very much when I was young, and I haven't done it for a long time.
Why don't you let me drive for once." The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the president." So the driver pulls over and they change places. Bill was having fun, zooming down the freeway, dodging and overtaking cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells Bill, "Mr President, slow down a bit. You're doing over a hundred and fifty miles an hour."
Bill says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the President." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and Bill rolls down the tinted window and says: "Do you know who I am?"
The cop sees the President and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?" Bill says, "sure" The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one very important, and I need advice on how to handle this."
They ask who, "The mayor?"
"No, much more important."
"The governor?" "more important."
"The President?" "No, even more important."
"Well, who can be more important than the President?"
"I don't know, but Bill Clinton is his chauffeur."
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local reputation:
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. As the mystic took her reading, she had a struck look on her face, looked up and said, "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's wrinkled face, then at the single flickering candle on the table. Looking aside for a moment, Hillary then looked back down to her wringing hands in her lap. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and consider her question; she just had to know.
Hillary met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question: "Will I be acquitted?"