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Bush vs. Osama

Bush vs. Osama

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5" thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."




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George Bush

Wondering how his popularity was among the children, the American president, George Bush visits a school. After explaining a little bit of the governmental platform, he asks the kids if they had any questions.

Bob raises his hand and says:
I have 3 questions for you...
1) How did you manage to win the elections, even though you had less votes?
2) Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3) Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?

At this very moment the bell rings and all the kids run out of the classroom.

After the break, Bush tells the kids to feel free to ask him more questions and this time Joey raises his hand and says: I have 5 questions for you...

1) How did you manage to win in the elections, even though you had less votes?
2) Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3) Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?
4) Why did the bell sound 20 minutes earlier today?
5) Where's Bob?

Best Type of Surgical Patients

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best type of surgical patients.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers ... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

Best and Worst Decision

Many years after Bill Clinton had been President of the United States a famous biographer was going to write Bill's life story. During the course of his interview he asked Bill, "What was your best and your worst decision during the Presidency."

Bill rolled his eyes back in deep thought and then said, "Monica Lewinski! I'd have to say Monica was my best and my worst decision." "

How could that be, Bill?", asked the surprised biographer. Bill smiled and then shook his head, "I'd have to say she was both my best and my worst decision for the same reason." "That's odd. What was the reason for that?", said the biographer.

Bill squirmed in his chair and answered, "Monica had a big mouth."

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