Working For The Government
You know you work for the government when:
* The process becomes more important than the product.
* You don''t see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.
* You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.
* You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
More Political Jokes
Barbara Walters filed a report on gender roles in Kuwait a few years prior to the Gulf War, and noted then that, in traditional Islamic fashion, women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
Recently, Barbara returned to Kuwait and observed that the MEN now walked several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the Kuwaiti women for an explanation.
"This is marvelous," Barbara said. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines."
The President was looking for a call girl and he found three such ladies in a local bar: a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.
To the blonde he said "I am the President of the United States of America. How much will it cost me to spend some time with you?"
The blonde replied, "For you, Mr. President, it will cost $500."
To the Redhead he asked the same question. She replied "I will spend all the time you want for $1,000."
When he approached the brunette he asked the same question and she said, "If you can raise my skirt as high as you've raised my taxes, and can get your pants as low as my wages, and get that thing of yours as hard as times are now, and screw me as well as you do the public, believe me, it won't cost you a damn thing!"
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5" thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."