Helpful Hints

Helpful Hints

HELPFUL HINTS (kind off, given by Hospital Staff)

Sick of reading all of those helpful hints? Here's some you can really use

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button. (Now how many of us hit that button )

5. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about that toothache.

More Stupid Jokes

Welfare Office

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I calls them by their last names."

New Dictionary

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

A place where women curl up and dye.

Someone who is fed up with people.

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.

An insect that makes you like flies better.

Grape with a sunburn.

Something you tell to one person at a time.

Fnuny Fwrarods is amzanig huh?

Aoccdrnig to a rsaeerch at a Birsith Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmotnat tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit

The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

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