The Blond Man!
A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them it had happened at church. They didn't believe him, and wanted to know what really happened.
So he told them, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her. She did not like that, so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day.
The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack."
At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't pull her dress out of her crack again?"
"No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that, so I shoved it back in."
More Blonde Jokes
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second
blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"
A blonde went out on a date with her boyfriend to the movies. After the movie he took her to Lookout Mountain, parked the car and started to kiss her.
As things progressed they started fondling each other. Before long they were ready to make love. He asked her if she would like to get in the back seat.
She said, "no."
He unbuttoned her blouse and began fondling her breasts and once again he asked her if she would like to get in the back seat.
Again she said, "no".
As more and more of her clothing came off he became really hot and excited. Once again he asked her "Would you like to get in the back seat?"
And again she said, "no".
Frustrated he asked "Why not?"
To which she replied "I want to stay in the front seat with you."
A blonde suspects her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she buys a gun and puts it in her purse. Then she goes over to her boyfriend's apartment the very next day. As she throws the door open, she sees her boyfriend making out with some girl on the couch.
"I knew it!" the blonde screams, and she takes out the gun. Then, utterly distraught, she points it at her own head.
"No, honey!" the boyfriend yells, "Don't do it, please!"
"Shut up!" the blonde replies, "You're next!"