Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed by, discussing any abnormalities they noticed in the passers-by.
They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace.
The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each other's diagnosis of the old man's problem.
One says, "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia."
The old man said, "I thought it was a fart, but from the feel of it, looks like we were all wrong!"
More Medical Jokes
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I have mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"
The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, "Do you understand what I am doing?" "Yes," the patient answered. "You're checking for dermatological abrasions." "Correct," the doctor lied. Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly.
Again, he inquired, "Do you understand what I am doing?" "You're feeling for cancerous lumps," she ventured. "Very astute," the doctor complimented, getting more excited. He placed the woman's feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her. "And do you understand what I am doing now?" "All too well," the patient shot back. "You're contracting herpes."