Are You Good?
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.
He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.
The store owner listened to the following conversation.
The boy said, "Lady, I want to cut your lawn".
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn".
"Lady I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North Palm Beach, Florida."
Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The druggist walked over to the boy and said, "Son I like your attitude, I like that positive spirit. Son, I would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking on the job I already have."
More Funny Jokes
A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"
The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."
"Well, why did you make yourself ugly like that?"
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, smiled and said, "Good morning Father," "Good morning Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests? The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits -- these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them -- and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.
After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads) Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "Just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"
"Oh Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!
A teacher was asking these group of 5 year old a couple of questions
If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class. "NO" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO"
"Well", I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
The group shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD"