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Real Irish

Real Irish

An Irishman found an old oil lamp and rubbed it. Out came a Genie who said, "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like"

The Irishman scratched his head for a few moments, then answered, "I wish for a bottle of Guinness that never gets empty."

"Granted master" replied the Genie and produced the bottle.

The Irishman was delighted and immediately poured himself a tall glass of the dark brew. After he drained the glass he picked up the bottle and sure enough it was full again. The Irishman got drunk on this one magic Guinness bottle for three weeks before he remembered that he had two more wishes.

He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared.

"Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?"

"You remember that magic, never ending Guinness bottle?" he asks the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two of them"




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Laws of Parenting

1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.

2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.

3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.

4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.

5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.

6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive.

7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.

8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.

God

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the pastor went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the pastor asked, "Why after all these years don't we see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, reverend," he whispered.

"When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

Intelligent Mother

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them, The mother mouse yells, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby.

"Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

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