Comforting Words

Comforting Words

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

"What's the matter?" he was asked.

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."

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Elderly Women

An elderly woman goes to see her Doctor. "What seems to be the trouble, Mrs. Adkins," he asks.

"Well it's very embarrassing Doctor," she replies. "I can't stop breaking wind! They don't smell, and they don't make a noise, but I am embarrassed by them all the same."

The Doctor looks at her and strokes his chin thoughtfully. "You say they don't smell, and they don't make a noise?"

"That's right," replies the old lady.

The Doctor reaches for his prescription pad, and begins to write. "I want you to take one of these tablets each morning and evening for a week. Come back and see me when they are all gone."

Next week the old lady comes back: "How are things now, Mrs. Adkins?" asks the Doctor.

"Well they're about the same," replies the old lady, "except that now my farts are starting to smell REALLY bad!"

That's great!" replies the Doctor. "Great?! How so?" asks the old lady.

"Well we've cleared up your sinuses. Now all we have to do is fix your hearing!"

Cyanide Please!

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and handed it to the pharmacist.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Wrong Diagnosis

Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed by, discussing any abnormalities they noticed in the passers-by.

They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace.

The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each other's diagnosis of the old man's problem.

One says, "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia."

The old man said, "I thought it was a fart, but from the feel of it, looks like we were all wrong!"

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