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Successful Waiter

Successful Waiter

The President of a big corporation decided to take the coffee break in his posh cafeteria and review the workings for a change.

The proud President wanted to impress upon an young boy waiter cleaning the tables, beckoned him with his fingure to come to him and started bragging. He asked, "Boy, how much do you make?"

The boy waiter told him his lowly income.

The big boss asked again, "Do you have any future plans, son?"

The boy nodded, "Sir, one day at a time is my life."

The big boss continued, "Listen boy and remember, when I was your age, I came from the country side as a poor no good bum. No one would employ me. I had no food, no shelter, and was a kicked out as rotten ass. And boy, look what I have today! Cars, houses, money, stocks, bonds, wealth, name recognition, mistresses. And, what do you have, tell me?"

The waiter replies humbly, "Sir, I have what you could not get, a paying Job."




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Use Right Word

Mother Superior was walking in the garden one day when she saw a novice nun working in the vegetable patch. Unfortunately every seed she planted was stolen by the birds, which were sitting, watching her from nearby.

"Fuck off!" the novice finally shouted in despair, "Just fuck off!"

Mother Superior was quite disgusted by this and called her over. "Young lady.... That is NOT how a young nun behaves! Next time the birds steal your seeds, just say shoo.....shoo....and they'll FUCK OFF by themselves"

Wrong side of the bed

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."

The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.

A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today."

"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you."

But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant.

Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day."

"Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning."

Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me."

Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personal, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers."

Good Luck!

A group of Americans was touring India. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable the food is terrible It's too hot, It's too cold & the accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Khajuraho Temples.

"Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Black Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

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