Please Save Me
A doctor came to visit the patient in hospital, and patient started pleading and crying, "Doctor please save me, ." The patient kept crying and crying.
The outspoken nurse got irritated, and she told the patient, "You should not worry, you see you owe $4000 for hospital bed, $2000 for medicine, $5000 for anesthesia, $8000 for surgery, $3000 in doctor's fee, tell me why would Doctor kill you?"
More Medical Jokes
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."
An elderly woman goes to see her Doctor. "What seems to be the trouble, Mrs. Adkins," he asks.
"Well it's very embarrassing Doctor," she replies. "I can't stop breaking wind! They don't smell, and they don't make a noise, but I am embarrassed by them all the same."
The Doctor looks at her and strokes his chin thoughtfully. "You say they don't smell, and they don't make a noise?"
"That's right," replies the old lady.
The Doctor reaches for his prescription pad, and begins to write. "I want you to take one of these tablets each morning and evening for a week. Come back and see me when they are all gone."
Next week the old lady comes back: "How are things now, Mrs. Adkins?" asks the Doctor.
"Well they're about the same," replies the old lady, "except that now my farts are starting to smell REALLY bad!"
That's great!" replies the Doctor. "Great?! How so?" asks the old lady.
"Well we've cleared up your sinuses. Now all we have to do is fix your hearing!"
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and handed it to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."