The Nail, The Cow and The Breeding

The Nail, The Cow and The Breeding

A farmer decided it was time to take a wife, so he went to the city and found a woman who agreed to marry him. The only problem was she knew absolutely nothing about farming, and told him that. He told her not to worry, he would handle all the farm things.

One day, a few years later, the Farmer told his wife that the next morning he would have to go to town. He told her that the vet was coming over to breed one of the cows, and she would have to show him which one. She told him she couldn't tell one cow from the other, so the farmer took her down to the barn. Pointing to one of the cows, he told her that was the one. She said she still wouldn't remember, so the Farmer took a big nail, and hammered it into the beam above the stall.

The next morning, the Farmer left for town. A few hours later, the vet showed up, and said he was there to breed the cow. The wife led him toward the barn, explaining on the way that she couldn't tell one cow from the other. Arriving in the barn, she pointed to the nail, and said that is the cow. The vet said that was great, but what was the nail for?

To which the wife replied, " Damn if I know. Maybe that's where you're supposed to hang your pants!"

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Successful Waiter

The President of a big corporation decided to take the coffee break in his posh cafeteria and review the workings for a change.

The proud President wanted to impress upon an young boy waiter cleaning the tables, beckoned him with his fingure to come to him and started bragging. He asked, "Boy, how much do you make?"

The boy waiter told him his lowly income.

The big boss asked again, "Do you have any future plans, son?"

The boy nodded, "Sir, one day at a time is my life."

The big boss continued, "Listen boy and remember, when I was your age, I came from the country side as a poor no good bum. No one would employ me. I had no food, no shelter, and was a kicked out as rotten ass. And boy, look what I have today! Cars, houses, money, stocks, bonds, wealth, name recognition, mistresses. And, what do you have, tell me?"

The waiter replies humbly, "Sir, I have what you could not get, a paying Job."

Use Right Word

Mother Superior was walking in the garden one day when she saw a novice nun working in the vegetable patch. Unfortunately every seed she planted was stolen by the birds, which were sitting, watching her from nearby.

"Fuck off!" the novice finally shouted in despair, "Just fuck off!"

Mother Superior was quite disgusted by this and called her over. "Young lady.... That is NOT how a young nun behaves! Next time the birds steal your seeds, just say shoo.....shoo....and they'll FUCK OFF by themselves"

Wrong side of the bed

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."

The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.

A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today."

"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you."

But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant.

Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day."

"Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning."

Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me."

Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personal, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers."

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