Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot.
Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking spot, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking spot appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
More Funny Jokes
A Polish man moved to the U.S. and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well, until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him, "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Lawyer: "Have you any grounds?"
Polish Man: "Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."
Lawyer: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
Polish Man: "It made of concrete."
Lawyer: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
Polish Man: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
Lawyer: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
Polish Man: "All my relations still in Poland."
Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
Polish Man: "Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?"
Polish Man: "No, I always up before her."
Lawyer: "Is your wife a nagger?"
Polish Man: "No, she white."
Lawyer: "Why do you want this divorce?"
Polish Man: "She going to kill me."
Lawyer: "What makes you think that?"
Polish Man: "I got proof.
Lawyer: "What kind of proof?"
Polish Man: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and it say, Polish Remover."
What your car name REALLY means
Audi: Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
BMW: Born Moderately Wealthy
Camaro: Can't America Make A Real One?
Chevrolet: Clutch Hangs, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Dodge: Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
FIAT: Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Ford: Failure Of Research & Development
Honda: Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
Hyundai: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive
JEEP:Jumps Everything Ever Parked
Mercedes: Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings
Nissan:Never In Synch Screeching Awful Noises
Oldsmobile: Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
Porsche: Proof Only Rich Suckers Can Have Everything
Toyota:Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
Volvo: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read...