Break Up letter
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home, It read as follows:
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great, I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry, Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
That letter really hurt the solider's feelings, he asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.
In addition to the picture of Becky, he included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
A 21-year-old girl saunters into a prestigious car showroom, looks around all the Porsches, Ferrari's and Lamborghini's before deciding on a top-end Red Porsche.
"I'll pay cash!" she says and hands over a bagful of Twenties. The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.
Two days later she's back, fuming, "I want my money back...it smells awfully bad when I use the brakes."
Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the books) the sales-manager decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she ain't driving it properly'.
He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second gear at 50 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80 mph, does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate. 110 mph in 4th, 140 in 5th, the engine's roaring like a Lion with toothache, and the car is shuddering as it climbs to 170 mph. The scenery is a green blur and the G-force has him pinned in the seat.
In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!), but no, she floors it and the revometer climbs higher. 100 yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops inches from the barrier.
"So, can you smell it?" she says.
"SMELL IT? HONEY, I'M SITTING IN IT!"
More Funny Jokes
Break Up letter
Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot.
Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking spot, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking spot appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
A Polish man moved to the U.S. and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well, until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him, "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Lawyer: "Have you any grounds?"
Polish Man: "Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."
Lawyer: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
Polish Man: "It made of concrete."
Lawyer: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
Polish Man: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
Lawyer: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
Polish Man: "All my relations still in Poland."
Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
Polish Man: "Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?"
Polish Man: "No, I always up before her."
Lawyer: "Is your wife a nagger?"
Polish Man: "No, she white."
Lawyer: "Why do you want this divorce?"
Polish Man: "She going to kill me."
Lawyer: "What makes you think that?"
Polish Man: "I got proof.
Lawyer: "What kind of proof?"
Polish Man: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and it say, Polish Remover."