A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks." Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I`m glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is setting there thinking: "I didn`t know the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn`t missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I`m glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face, He thought to himself: "Life is good. When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time!"
More Funny Jokes
It is a known fact that all daughters-in-law have problems with their mother-in-law.
Anyway... One day all the daughters-in-law all got together and decided to apologise to their mothers-in-law for everything they had supposedly done wrong.
A week later the daughters-in-law decided to take their families (including their mothers-in-law) on a picnic.
The mothers-in-law were all in one bus, which was the first to leave, On the way their bus had an accident and all the mothers-on-law died.
The daughters-in-law were devastated but one in particular one was more heart broken than the rest.
Everyone tried to console her by telling her that at least her mother-in-law had died without any tension between them. But still she cried.
Eventually when she was calm enough to speak the other women asked her, "Why are you crying so much? Was your mother-in-law that special?"
The woman no sobbing uncontrollably replied... "No, she missed the bus!"
A 21-year-old girl saunters into a prestigious car showroom, looks around all the Porsches, Ferrari's and Lamborghini's before deciding on a top-end Red Porsche.
"I'll pay cash!" she says and hands over a bagful of Twenties. The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.
Two days later she's back, fuming, "I want my money back...it smells awfully bad when I use the brakes."
Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the books) the sales-manager decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she ain't driving it properly'.
He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second gear at 50 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80 mph, does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate. 110 mph in 4th, 140 in 5th, the engine's roaring like a Lion with toothache, and the car is shuddering as it climbs to 170 mph. The scenery is a green blur and the G-force has him pinned in the seat.
In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!), but no, she floors it and the revometer climbs higher. 100 yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops inches from the barrier.
"So, can you smell it?" she says.
"SMELL IT? HONEY, I'M SITTING IN IT!"
Break Up letter
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home, It read as follows:
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great, I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry, Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
That letter really hurt the solider's feelings, he asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.
In addition to the picture of Becky, he included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.