30 Minutes of Life

30 Minutes of Life

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. You've been such exemplary statues, he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."

And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

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Wild Thing

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down besides him. The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes and was wearing bright, neon colored clothes. The old man just stared at him.

The boy looked at the older man and said in a smart-tone: "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man answered: "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

High School Peer?

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his, badge which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same Guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

Hmmm,...or could he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended so and so high school.

"yes, yes, I did" he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959 Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then - that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

The Nail, The Cow and The Breeding

A farmer decided it was time to take a wife, so he went to the city and found a woman who agreed to marry him. The only problem was she knew absolutely nothing about farming, and told him that. He told her not to worry, he would handle all the farm things.

One day, a few years later, the Farmer told his wife that the next morning he would have to go to town. He told her that the vet was coming over to breed one of the cows, and she would have to show him which one. She told him she couldn't tell one cow from the other, so the farmer took her down to the barn. Pointing to one of the cows, he told her that was the one. She said she still wouldn't remember, so the Farmer took a big nail, and hammered it into the beam above the stall.

The next morning, the Farmer left for town. A few hours later, the vet showed up, and said he was there to breed the cow. The wife led him toward the barn, explaining on the way that she couldn't tell one cow from the other. Arriving in the barn, she pointed to the nail, and said that is the cow. The vet said that was great, but what was the nail for?

To which the wife replied, " Damn if I know. Maybe that's where you're supposed to hang your pants!"

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