Lipstick Problem

Lipstick Problem

According to a report, a middle school was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all of the girls to the restroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of them. He took a long handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.

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A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks." Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I`m glad she slapped him."

The commanding officer is setting there thinking: "I didn`t know the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn`t missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I`m glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face, He thought to himself: "Life is good. When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time!"

Heart Broken

It is a known fact that all daughters-in-law have problems with their mother-in-law.

Anyway... One day all the daughters-in-law all got together and decided to apologise to their mothers-in-law for everything they had supposedly done wrong.

A week later the daughters-in-law decided to take their families (including their mothers-in-law) on a picnic.

The mothers-in-law were all in one bus, which was the first to leave, On the way their bus had an accident and all the mothers-on-law died.

The daughters-in-law were devastated but one in particular one was more heart broken than the rest.

Everyone tried to console her by telling her that at least her mother-in-law had died without any tension between them. But still she cried.

Eventually when she was calm enough to speak the other women asked her, "Why are you crying so much? Was your mother-in-law that special?"

The woman no sobbing uncontrollably replied... "No, she missed the bus!"

Smelly Car!

A 21-year-old girl saunters into a prestigious car showroom, looks around all the Porsches, Ferrari's and Lamborghini's before deciding on a top-end Red Porsche.

"I'll pay cash!" she says and hands over a bagful of Twenties. The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.

Two days later she's back, fuming, "I want my money back...it smells awfully bad when I use the brakes."

Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the books) the sales-manager decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she ain't driving it properly'.

He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second gear at 50 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80 mph, does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate. 110 mph in 4th, 140 in 5th, the engine's roaring like a Lion with toothache, and the car is shuddering as it climbs to 170 mph. The scenery is a green blur and the G-force has him pinned in the seat.

In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!), but no, she floors it and the revometer climbs higher. 100 yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops inches from the barrier.

"So, can you smell it?" she says.


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