Positive Thinking is like this.
A Little bird in the sky.. You look up and it shits in your Eye. U Don't mind & U don't Cry, U just thank GOD that cows don't fly!
More Funny Jokes
Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.
Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.
The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.
The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you."
The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can't hear you."
Finally, the priest yelled, "CHARLIE, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"
Again, the reply was, "I can't hear you."
The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?"
To which the priest replied, "By golly, you can't hear in here!"
Two brothers in a small town were well-known as trouble makers. If there was a problem in town, these boys were guaranteed to be there. Their parents finally decided to do something about it.
They called on the priest. He was known to have success in dealing with problematic behavior. He agreed to see them, but only one at a time.
The younger brother went first. He walked in and the priest asked him, "Where is God?" in a mild voice.
The younger brother just sat there. The priest asked again, "Where's God?" The boy again just sat there.
The priest tried once more, in a very annoyed and angered voice, "Tell me son, WHERE IS GOD?'
Terrified, the boy ran out of the room and straight to his room at home, where he hid under the bed. His older brother came in and asked what was wrong.
The younger boy said, "We are in big trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!"
According to a report, a middle school was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all of the girls to the restroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of them. He took a long handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.