Big Enough

Big Enough

This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have on of those? "Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."

Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says "I just won $50,000" Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?" The little boy asks, "Grandpa,is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" "Yes," Says grandpa."Then go fuck yourself"

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Final Checkup

A man approaching retirement went along to see the company doctor for one final checkup.

To his horror the doctor said, "I don't know quite how to put this, but your heart is on its last legs and you have only got six months to live."

"Is there nothing I can do?" asked the shocked man.

"Well," said the doctor, "you can give up alcohol, and cut out smoking. Don't eat rich foods, no dancing, and don't even think about having sex!"

"And this will make me live longer?" the man asked hopefully.

"No," replied the doctor, "it will just seem longer!"

30 Minutes of Life

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. You've been such exemplary statues, he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."

And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

Wild Thing

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down besides him. The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes and was wearing bright, neon colored clothes. The old man just stared at him.

The boy looked at the older man and said in a smart-tone: "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man answered: "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

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